Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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