Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I AM VODKA MAN
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
