My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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