New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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