It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
