There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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