I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
