If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
