I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
