My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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