Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
