i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
no, he came in my armpit
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
