That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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