If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
