Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Your mouth is God's brothel.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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