why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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