Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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