just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
