U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the gays at disneyland are vicious
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
