is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
