True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize