Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
