On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
