Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
