i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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