before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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