The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
