I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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