how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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