i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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