I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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