I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
