RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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