Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
