Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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