I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
