We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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