threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
