so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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