Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
