I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I didn't notice because vodka
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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