Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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