there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
