you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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