he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
