Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
