He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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