You really coming over, don't trick.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
