It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The best revenge is premature balding
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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