when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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