u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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