You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
