hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
