Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And then he peed in my hair
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