I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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