Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
