How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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