You can't motorboat a personality
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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