I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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