I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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