If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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