Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
