I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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