Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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