Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
