He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
