Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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